Perfectionism is a great trait. It can help you rise above yourself and make unprecedented progress, after which you can proudly look back at a satisfactory result. Striving for excellence can go hand in hand with a flexible attitude, being open to alternative ideas, a playful approach, enjoying the process of growth you are going through. But perfectionism can also take on an obsessive edge. The end result must be perfect, you don't want to make mistakes along the way and are afraid that others will find you incompetent or stupid if it doesn't work out the way you planned. This joyless, compulsive form of perfectionism tends to cripple your productivity and creativity. And all well and good: it also pretty effectively torpedoes your sense of well-being.
So a good question is: what is enough? Is it necessary, is it desirable to optimise life?Should it be better, faster, more vivacious?
Maybe...
Maybe...
I don't have to get a 9 for my essay.
I don't have to go to the birthday party of that cousin that I hardly ever see.
I don't need an overpriced oat-oreo cappuccino at that coffee bar.
I don't have to exercise 4 times a week.
I don't have to reply to messages immediately.
I don't have to reply to all messages at all.
I don't have to vacuum today.
I don't have to read thirty recipes on my phone before deciding what casserole to make.
I don't need to add more new books to the pile of unread works on my bedside table.
I don't have to stay to the end of a party.
I don't need another pair of trainers.
I don't need to finish this series.
I don't need to talk everything out in detail after an argument.
I don't need to be liked by everyone.
I don't have to keep up with my socials.
I don't have to sit in front of a screen for six hours a day.
I don't have to give a perfect presentation.
I don't need to feel happy all the time.
I don't need to be a sparkling conversationalist all the time.
I don't need to come up with exactly the right advice.
I don't need to know where I want to go with my life.
I don't need to do this now.
Maybe I don't need to do this now.
i don't need to do THIS now.
i don't need to do this NOW.
‘If you look carefully around you will see that everything is coloured,’ a wall poem by K. Schippers exhorts Nijmegen citizens as they walk along the Arsenaalplaats. Good advice when your brain is full and overstimulated, neuroscientist Boris Konrad also confirms. Stand still for a moment. Breathe in and out deeply. Look around you and marvel at what you see, feel, smell, hear. Shift your attention regularly to your body and your surroundings and quiet your head. It's great that the Wellbeing Weeks invite you to explore all kinds of ways to do this and experiment, play and discover what works for you.
Tips (Why these? Why not more? Why not a podcast, film, exhibition? Will this really make everyone happy? What if I come up with much better tips tomorrow? Or the day after tomorrow? That's bound to happen. That's probably not the end of my world):
- Matt Haig, The Comfort Book. - ‘Curiosity and passion are the enemies of anxiety. Even when I fell into anxiety, if I get curious enough about something outside of me it can help pull me out. Music, art, film, nature, conversation, words. Find passion as large as your fear. The way out of your mind is via the world.’
- Pulling yourself out of your comfort zone? At the RSC, do a ticket-hour Kickboxing, Mindfulness, Mobility break, Skating, Drawing/Painting, Yoga or anything else that gets you out of your head and into your body.
- No time to experiment, play and explore? Do a digital detox and leave your phone at home for a few days. Might just save you about four hours of time.
- Max Richter's album Sleep.
- During the break of a lecture, ask the person next to you or your lecturer: do you ever suffer from perfectionism? How do you deal with it?
