Do you ever feel overwhelmed by all the misery in the world? That is not surprising: wars rage, democracies grind and creak, the planet groans with exhaustion. All good and well, but that offers few starting points for optimism.
Putting on blinders and looking only at your own environment, might that help? Yes, it can help. For me, at least, it does. The earth no longer seems to disappear under my feet and that strange chilly hole in my diaphragm fills up again. But even within your own life, the things and people you come into direct contact with, you can probably name all sorts of things that stress, worry or sadden you, that make you angry.
The stoic Epictetus, whom I promised you a quote from last time, gives helpful advice in his Encheiridion, or Pocketbook. It begins as follows: "Reality can be divided into two categories: what is in our control and what is not in our control. When you try to control things that are beyond your control, you are guaranteed to be disappointed. It is better to spend your precious energy on things you do have control over. For Epictetus, these are our beliefs, impulses, that which we strive for, that which we avoid. Among the things we have no control over, he lists our bodies, possessions, reputations, offices. I can hear you thinking: why don't I have control over that? Surely I can exercise, eat healthily, work hard, save! Yes, Epictetus objects, but you can still fall ill, get fired, have your bike stolen, someone spreads an ugly gossip about you and there's nothing you can do about it.
Contemporary psychologists, however, see something in your reaction and have inserted an intermediate category, namely things you have (some degree of) influence over. Their tripartite division: the sphere of involvement forms the shell, within it is a smaller sphere of influence, and the sphere of control is at the core of this model. First some examples, then what you can do with them.
Circle of involvement = what you are affected by, but what you cannot (substantially) change
the weather
political decisions
the economy
the past
death
the media
my memories
things I regret
other people's feelings, thoughts, words, beliefs, behaviour, responses
natural disasters
loss
illness
the future
- you get the picture.
The circle of influence = things you can (somewhat) influence
your health
your well-being
who you vote for
your relationships and friendships
opinions and actions of others
your reputation
your productivity
your career goals
your financial situation
And the core, the circle of control = things you can directly do something about yourself
your own thoughts, words, actions, reactions
your beliefs
your behaviour, decisions, choices
your attitude and mindset
your work ethic
your mood
what you see as your responsibilities
how you treat others
how you treat the planet
what you eat
your exercise
your sleep
what you do in your free time
what you focus on
So what can you do with these categories? You only have a limited amount of energy and time; you choose how to use it. Of course you may worry about melting ice caps, ruthless violence and capitalist hogwash. Who is not affected by that? (Epictetus, by the way, is shaking his head by now, who goes far in his unflappability through things. For instance, he says you shouldn't get attached to your own wife and child, as they could suddenly leave or die too, really hardcore). If you focus mainly on things in the outer circle of commitment, chances are very high that you will not achieve what you hope for: you put a lot of energy into things whose outcome you can hardly influence. You can keep that up for a while, but in the long run you will get exhausted, you will run out of steam, your battery will be empty. Not a sustainable approach.
Don't want to keep going until you are burned out? Focus first and foremost on the inner circle. There are the things that are really in your own hands. Even within that, it is still an art to figure out what choices you want to make and what is important to you. So research, try something, try something different and find out what works for your body and mind right now.
Does your foundation feel solid? Then you may well choose to put some of your time into things from the circle of influence and the outer circle of commitment. If things don't quite (or not at all) behave as you had hoped, then you can fall back on your core, your grounding and the confidence you derive from that.
Do you happen to be in a phase right now where you feel overwhelmed and overstimulated? Then at least these are proven effective things you can do:
Set media diet
Limit your news consumption to a fixed time and choose reliable sources. If necessary, set an alarm clock if you tend to lose track of time. What is also helpful is to turn off all notifications from apps. Then you immediately limit the attention fragmentation that makes you reach for your phone like a Pavlov dog at every (suspected) beep.
Digital detox
More radical than the media diet. Don't use screens for a certain amount of time (an evening, a day, a weekend, a week). Once, or, if you like it, on a consistent basis. Agreeing this with a friend can help you actually stick to it.
Exercise
Physical activity lowers the stress hormone cortisol and increases endorphins and dopamine that make you feel happy and energised. Don't overdo it right away: you want to be able to keep this up and enjoy it, otherwise you'll soon give up. Daily 20-30 minutes of walking, cycling or whatever kind of sport already helps. Good times are your journey to work or uni, the lunch break, before dinner or in the (early) evening, and now that it's getting warmer and longer light you can immediately combine it with the next tip:
Go outside
Nature, trees, fresh air, sunlight have an impact on your mood and well-being that cannot be underestimated. On and around campus there is already plenty of greenery, so make use of it! Throw your phone in the corner during those breaks and go for a walk or drink your coffee in the park. Good to combine with the next tip:
Find company
Strong social ties reduce the risk of depression and burnout. This involves physically getting together in the real world. Meet up with friends, find family, do a team sport, join a club. Again, good to combine with the next tip:
Do something for someone else or the world
Shift your focus to concrete actions you can take yourself, such as local volunteering, helping someone in your social circle, making sustainable choices. Focus on things you do have control over, in short.
Practice meditation, mindfulness, wonder, stillness
Shift your focus from nervous thoughts that shoot through your brain like mice to your breathing or your body, so that you eventually feel peace and calm in your mind. Don't worry if you get distracted and find that your thoughts are going in all directions anyway: laugh about it and try again. The more you practise, the better it will work, with every day being different too. For example, use the app Headspace, search for a video of a body scan, look in the Radboud Sports Centre's offerings for mindfulness, meditation, yoga. Very consciously going through all your senses can also help, especially if you do this in a green environment and are open to the wonder that nature can give you. Wonderment is good medicine against anxious thoughts.
Oh yes, and realise that life does not have to be all fun. Negative feelings and uncertainty are part of it, stress, anxiety and not knowing how to handle things. There is nothing wrong with you. If your gloominess lasts a long time and hinders you in your daily life, I encourage you to discuss it with family, friends or your GP, and you can also find support in several places within the RU, see this flowchart [this flow chart] and this infographic [this infographic].
So, that will get you started in the coming weeks. Maybe you are going on a trip with your study association: that already offers you many opportunities to try out some of the above tips! Can you add one more: very consciously enjoy all the beautiful, nice and fun things that happen to you in a day.
Media tips
- Epictetus, Encheiridion. The translation Free and Invulnerable (Gerard Boter and Rob Brouwer) also includes the Lectures and Fragments. Of course incredibly classic, so sometimes gives advice we have little use for now, such as how to treat one's slaves (Epictetus himself, by the way, was a slave for a fair part of his life, before he was released). At the same time, full of wonderfully relevant insights. The Reflections of Marcus Aurelius and the letters of Seneca (especially read the smooth translations by our own Vincent Hunink) may also be on your list.
- Prefer modern authors? I haven't read these, but I think the titles are fantastic and you can chew on them for a while: Ryan Holiday (‘We cannot control the world around us, but we can control our reactions to it’), The obstacle is the way, Stillness is the key and Ego is the enemy. Mark Tuitert has also written some “together with” Marcus Aurelius, who knows, that might suit you too.
- Maarten van Rossem and Tom Jessen's podcast gives you the opportunity to catch the news in a light-hearted way. If you don't fall asleep while listening, because many people use this podcast for that too.
The albums below are both not necessarily uplifting, but they are deep and comforting and can guide and support you through misery, loneliness, overwhelm. Can be purifying.
- The album Tipping points, Vivaldi/Kerschek: The New Four Seasons by Rachel Portman
- The album All Melody by Nils Frahm. Maybe not for everyone, but don't let the anthemic first track put you off. A very varied and worthwhile track: meditative, melodic, electronic and vocals, nice if you're just lying on the sofa without doing anything, drawing, making something, walking through the woods.
