“First of all, scientific literature tends to say that holidays have a positive effect on our well-being,” says Kluwer. “We know that stress levels fall when we go on holiday. That has a positive impact on relationships with others, also in families. However, the quality of the holiday must be good. You must be able to relax, be in a pleasant environment and take sufficient rest. And that depends on the circumstances: are they positive or not? It’s also important how you start your holiday together.”
Simmering issues
According to Kluwer, the start of a holiday also has a big impact. “Are there simmering issues in your relationship? Or do you have teenage children and does that regularly lead to conflicts? If that’s the case, you will probably take these issues with you on holiday. Another thing that happens is that people work very hard all year and then discover during the holiday that they’ve lost sight of each other. That conclusion can also produce tensions.”
And then there’s the fatigue factor. Kluwer emphasises that it’s important not to go on holiday exhausted. “After working hard for a year, you may be oversensitive, get irritated more easily. Furthermore, preparing to go on holiday can be stressful. There’s the packing, you want to leave the house tidy and you also have your hands full with the children. If you are stressed when you start your holiday, you can’t expect everything to be fun immediately. Make sure that you wind down as you approach your holiday. Don’t cram too many meetings into your last working week. And once you start your holiday, don’t travel the very next day. Have a rest first to ensure that you can tackle the busy traffic around Paris.”
A holiday that suits you
To avoid tensions, the choice of holiday destination also plays a role, says Kluwer. “One person benefits from having a routine, which is why many people choose the same destination every year. They find that relaxing. Others like to look for an adventure. So it’s important to choose a holiday that suits you. However, different preferences can also create tensions. What’s more, on holiday you are constantly taking decisions together: Where shall we eat? What shall we do? Where will we stop next? When you’re stressed, it’s harder to decide things like that. Research has also shown that doing new activities together has a positive effect on the quality of the relationship. But if there’s a lot of stress, such decisions can add to the tensions.”
Social comparisons
Nowadays, we also have the influence of social media. “That contributes to social comparisons,” Kluwer explains. “One person is more sensitive to that than another. Seen someone on social media who’s having a better time than you? You may then take them as a good example, but you might also feel depressed. Seeing a colleague camping in the rain helps you put your own situation into perspective. But people generally only show positive things on social media, so there will mostly be an upwards social comparison.”
Self-reflection skills
According to Kluwer, it’s not necessarily a bad thing if tensions emerge during the holiday. “Tensions and disagreements can always arise. What’s important is how you manage them. Make sure that you resolve things together in time, so that you can relax and laugh about it afterwards. Tensions also offer the opportunity to discuss underlying needs. So, when partners argue while putting up the tent, it’s not usually about the tent but about: How do we work together? And do I feel heard or seen by the other person? And this does require self-reflection skills. Ask yourself out loud: Why am I irritated, what’s really going on? If you can talk to each other about it, the tensions may also lead to something positive.”
Finally, Kluwer wants to emphasise that holidays usually have a positive effect. “It’s a time to rest, to relax together and focus on each other. And it gives you the opportunity to reflect on the past year.” She then immediately adds: “I hope everyone has a lovely holiday.”
Photo: Devi Puspita Amartha Yahya via Unsplash