Dating existed in the Middle Ages, just as it does now. “When they hear the word ‘date’, many people think of the preliminary selection stage, but in my book I highlight the next stage: the phase of meeting someone on a regular basis to see whether things can get serious,” De Morrée explains. She stresses that in the Middle Ages, relationships still had to culminate in a marriage. “In those days, marriage was important for a person's independence and social standing. And since you were not allowed to divorce, you had to make sure you had a good marriage. As a result, the stakes in a date were by definition high.”
This was a medieval person's idea of an ideal date
Anyone going on a date has certain expectations. But what were the expectations of people dating in the Middle Ages? Cécile de Morrée, literary historian at Radboud University, researched the matter and shares her discoveries in her book, Hoe dacht de middeleeuwer over de ideale date? (What was a medieval person's idea of an ideal date?). “Especially now, medieval dates can be extremely instructive.”
Songs as a portal into love
For her research, De Morrée studied approximately 55 Dutch-language narrative songs from the Antwerps Liedboek, the largest surviving medieval song collection from the Low Countries. “Those songs are fiction. They contain literary motifs that are open to multiple interpretations,” De Morrée stresses. “At the same time, they do provide clear representations of medieval etiquette, also when it comes to dating.”
According to De Morrée, dating at the time went further than mere partner selection. “It was also about exploring relationships, feelings and sexuality. What does that do to you? And how do you treat each other and yourself?”
What is striking in this context is how fixed formulations in the song lyrics evoked erotic tension, says De Morrée. “A standard story was told with familiar images, but small variations sometimes gave new meaning. The sentence ‘He took her by the hand’ was a clear erotically charged indication that a man was taking a woman to the bedroom. But with ‘She took him by the hand’ the gender roles were reversed. That raised the question: what does this story mean? Many songs of the time have an open ending, leaving the final interpretation to the listener.”
Dialogue and wavelength
According to De Morrée, the songs revolve around dialogue, with a man and a woman taking turns speaking. “The ideal date was a conversation. For instance, in the song lyrics, characters are constantly asking each other: ‘Are you still enjoying it?’ And ‘Do you want to move forward together?’ It is essentially a story of consent.”
De Morrée points out that, according to the song lyrics, a date consisted of several stages. “The characters often already knew each other. That was an implicit lesson: don't date just anyone. Sometimes the song lyrics even literally say not to bring in a stranger from the street. After you asked someone out, you agreed on a date and time. Finally, there is that moment at the door, with the recurring question: ‘May I come in?’ In all three phases, characters check with each other whether they are still on the same wavelength.”
Social safety and trust played a major role in this, De Morrée clarifies. “Get to know each other and understand what you can expect from each other. The song lyrics emphasise equality. However, this does not mean that the Middle Ages were free of stereotypes. In medieval medicine, the female body was even seen as sexually insatiable, leading to caricatures because, according to that view, a female body needed more sex than a male body. At the same time, strict views on chastity prevailed. Thus, a woman's value in the marriage market was strongly determined by her virginity.”
However, according to De Morrée, the song lyrics are sometimes surprising. “Because they also contain positive views on sexuality, with an emphasis on equality and safety.” She says those elements ensure that the material is relevant to this day. “Current discussions on consent and social safety make you look at old texts differently. Especially now, medieval dates can be extremely instructive; it is inspiring to see how medieval people looked at the ideal date in terms of dialogue, familiarity and safety. Those soft skills are especially relevant in our current times.”
Anything but boring
The impact of cultural expressions on society is invaluable, according to De Morrée, both in the Middle Ages and today. “The medieval songs were sung by everyone. Society then adopted the respectful manners from those songs. In our time, series and books can achieve the same effect. They offer an opportunity to embed social safety.”
With her book and course material for schoolchildren, De Morrée aims above all to show that the Middle Ages were anything but boring. “Many people think of the Middle Ages as a humourless period. However, I want to show how much fun there is in those song lyrics. It is wonderful material and the lyrics offer genuine entertainment. Not just then, but also now.”
Win!
Curious about the book "How did medieval people think about the ideal date?" Good news! Radboud Recharge is giving away three books to readers. Want to be in with a chance of winning? Send an email to recharge [at] ru.nl before 5 March 2026.
Contact information
- Organizational unit
- Faculty of Arts, RICH Platform for Digital Humanities
- About person
- Dr C.V. de Morrée (Cécile)
- Theme
- Ethics, History, Art & Culture