When I was 12 years old and had just started secondary school, I sometimes wondered how on earth I was ever going to learn to stand on my own two feet. Simply keeping track of my timetable and navigating the new class dynamics was already quite a challenge. I couldn’t imagine having to think about paying rent, sorting out insurance, doing the shopping and booking dentist’s appointments on top of everything else. I still remember clearly how my mum reassured me: “It’ll all work out; you’ll gradually grow into it.” And, looking back now, I can confirm that she was right.
A few decades later, while working on my PhD, I wondered how my supervisors all seemed to be doing such interesting and important things. I wondered, how could I start doing more interesting and important things too? I remember a certain car journey with my promotor when I asked her: “How do you manage to be involved in so many interesting projects?” She paused to think for a moment. As if she didn’t really know the answer, she said, a little surprised and with a smile: “Well, I mainly do things that I find interesting and important.” That didn’t really help me much, because how was I supposed to figure what I found interesting and important?
Now that my PhD years are well and truely behind me, I’m still reminded of that phase at the dinner table talking about our day. “Do you remember how you used to wonder how your supervisors managed to do all those interesting, important things? You’re doing that now too!” And while that may be true, it still feels as though I’m stumbling my way through these kinds of decisions. I regularly find myself wondering whether I’ve made a sensible choice, and just as often I think I’ve turned down exactly the wrong thing.
Fortunately, I found some reassurance in my colleague Annemarie’s recent column. Apparently, one of the most common themes in structured peer reflection is: how do you balance all different interests, your role, and your career?
Okay, so it’s not just me. Unfortunately, that still doesnn’t answer the question of how I should go about making choices. Fortunately, I have plenty of opportunities to practise my decision-making skills and weighing up different interests.
Here’s a recent example: Next month, there is apparently a day that has been designated “The Day That Everything Has to Happen”. A research seminar, a colleague’s PhD defence, an inaugural lecture by an acquaintance at another university, and an event for Recognition and Rewards. All things I’d love to attend. Each for different reasons, which doesn’t exactly make the choice any easier. My presence at all these events isn’t strictly required. I mean, it’s not part of my teaching duties, and it’s not about constructing an exam or giving a lecture. The things you have to do, those sort themselves out. The tricky decisions are about the things you don’t have to do, where the choice is entirely yours.
I’m currently having a tough internal debate with myself. How important is each one of these events, for whom, and which would I enjoy the most? Which carries more weight? And then there is the question of conscience: is it okay to choose something every now and then, simply because I really enjoy it?
I find comfort in the thought that this must surely be the ‘growing into it’ thatmy mum was referring to.
When I’m older, I’m sure I’ll look back and see that future me has become much better at making these sorts of decisions, just as I did with booking dentist appointments and taking out insurance policies.
In the meantime, if anyone has a brilliant tip for making wise choices, or better still, a handy decision tree that points to the best choice like an oracle, I'd be very grateful to hear it.