Quote Epictetus? Forgot to pop into the UB. Why don't I have this on the shelf? Why did I leave this until the last minute? Next time, then.
In February, I wrote here about the driving and crippling sides of perfectionism. With the message that good enough is, well, good enough. Not letting your own insecurities drive you crazy, turning off your fretting head and feeling how you physically exist in the world: that's great advice. But, let's face it, that's easier said than done.
I have a confession to make.
This piece had a run-up of maybe a year. Then the idea arose to write a monthly piece for you here. Simply: personal, engaging. Nothing complicated. On a subject that would preferably appeal to everyone, appropriate to the time of year and describing an issue which, oh wonder, the reader is struggling with right now. A feast of recognition, exactly the right advice at the right time. Insanely well-chosen quotes, a ringing plea that captures the zeitgeist in an inimitable way! With, of course, a reference to an article - truly stunningly well-connected - by a Radboud researcher. With a recurring title that not only hits the nail on the head in terms of content, but can also rightly be called a stylistic gem.
After a year of waiting for divine inspiration, there was still not a letter on paper. But with the Wellbeing Weeks, this was really the time for action. So I finally submitted a column on the day of the deadline (okay, an hour after midnight). Then four messages to my colleague: typing error removed, another small text change here and there. And still there is room for improvement. Meanwhile, again this month, I find myself typing on deadline day, my day off.
Recognisable? Everyone has an inner critic who guards you from mistakes, who wants to protect you from pain and rejection, who wants to make sure you are accepted by those around you. So it has your best interests at heart. But it also tends to run wild and control a disproportionate part of your thoughts. You will recognise him by thoughts like:
Your ideas are nice enough, but when will you implement something?
You lack discipline.
You have no special talents.
See, this won't work either.
You were supposed to start exercising, weren't you? Here you are again on the sofa, doing nothing.
Well, congratulations, you are running. Like a snail. How quickly you run out of breath.
There's no point in trying, it won't be as good as you want anyway.
Someone else can do this better than you.
You need to read many more articles before you can make a good story out of this.
You don't let your own opinion be heard enough. What am I saying? You don't have your own opinion.
Someone else would do this much faster. And much better, too.
You don't have the right background for this, what are you getting at?
You are not a good friend.
Oh yes, your knees are ugly, your nose is crooked. Is that a pimple? You look like crap.
See: you are not handsome enough.
See: you are not ad rem enough.
See: you're not smart enough.
I could go on like this for a while. As I'm listing this, I can't help but laugh at the absurdity - but some of these thoughts come to mind more often than I care to. That critic may want to be helpful, but he often overshoots the mark by a wide margin. Result: procrastination, fear of failure, choice overload, dissatisfaction, insecurity. Which, of course, gives him even more to criticize.
Wanting to get rid of this inner voice is a pointless exercise. And admittedly, it has its merits. It helps you function within your studies, your social environment, society, your life. You would become an insufferable person without it. As so often, it is about balance and the question: how much space do you give these thoughts? How much power do you give your critic? A first step is to recognise that these critical thoughts need not be the truth. That this voice is really a master of exaggeration. Let's be honest: would you ever critique your friend, or even a stranger, like this?
If you manage to recognise the critic as just a stern, concerned adviser rather than the Truth, you have the opportunity to thank him kindly for his advice and brush it aside. You can laugh heartily at him for his narrow-minded, short-sighted caution. You have the option to try things out, experiment, seek advice from real people around you, see how things turn out when you just start, to learn from all this. Be inspired, for example, by the words of Elles Droppers, specialist on communication and Lifelong Development: Failure: a step towards success.
I advocate for imperfect action over perfect inaction. As long as ideas only live in your head, the world has little use for them. And the longer you spend polishing a shiny fantasy image, the more difficult its gets to send it out into reality.
Is your inner critic already rising up in rebellion against the idea of just doing anything? Asking on what grounds, and is there any evidence that it will turn out well? Well, then think of it as a form of design research: quite scientifically sound.
